Capacity

The other night, I was writing, and a thought popped into my head.

We're all capable of caring, but each of us has a different capacity. And our capacity can shift like the wind in situations, timing, and around different people.

My latest project is expanding my coaching platform and launching my Shift Towards Clarity Program. It’s a six-month program that supports people who are ready for real, authentic change, are ready to get honest about their past, acknowledge where they are today, and teach them how to stay in the strength of their authentic selves as they discover the life they were meant to live.

I have conducted numerous interviews and hosted a mini-pilot course on Insight Timer (the number one international meditation and mindfulness app) to gain clarity and feedback to make sure that this program touches on as many limiting factors that we humans choose to lean into before relying on our own intuitive strengths. I had over 2,200 folks test my mini-course, and the number one feedback is that they will use this process daily to continue to strengthen their intuition. YES! That is exactly what I intended when I began creating this content 3 years ago.

Throughout this process, I have been exploring the meaning of capacity and how our abilities and capacity are ever-changing. 

Have you ever thought about what your capacity is? Have you noticed or thought that you're capable of so much more? OR maybe you have no clue what I'm talking about, or you're somewhere in between.

About 25 years ago, I adopted a mindfulness practice. It includes daily meditation, journaling, eating healthy, practicing gratitude, and walking at least a mile. No two days are the same, no matter what my “routine” looks like.

The other day, I picked up my phone to do my mid-morning Instagram 10-minute scroll and was immediately shaken to my core by the first post. It was a reel of a man digging through the rubble in Palestine looking for survivors of a recent bombing and all that you saw was scattered bodies of babies blown to pieces, only being held together by their clothing. I couldn’t look away not because of the shock value but because I am a human being having a spiritual experience, and how in the world is this STILL happening today?

As I watched this 90-second reel, I felt my capacity changing. Before I picked up my phone, I felt energized because I had completed a menu of chores and errands and was looking forward to a fun afternoon at the pool with my boys. Five seconds in, uncontrollable tears streamed down my face, soaking my shirt and pooling behind my glasses, and my internal battery went from full to empty in less than 30 seconds. 

My upbeat summer feelings shifted to numbing sadness and confusion about how this could happen today. I knew that it wasn’t useful to get angry because that only continues to fuel the already disgusting negative actions that are inflamed by anger across the globe, so I began to go into a meditative state of prayer for all involved, sending calm, healing energy, and strength to the innocent children, families, and individuals doing acts of kindness of rescuing those that remain. I continued my prayers to include calm, healing clarity for those creating chaos around the world to soften their anger and shift their terrorist plight towards the art of listening, compassion, and positive, unified change.

Then I crawled into my bed feeling depleted and needing a moment of respite to get myself back on course. Otherwise, I felt like my empathic self might slip down a dark tunnel of despair and anxiety for change that I cannot control. I am only one human, and I feel like I'm navigating many roles, thoughts, feelings, and so on throughout the day at the drop of the hat, but the only change I’m truly in charge of is my own. 

One of the quotes I have on my website is my own: Twenty years ago, I was in the best shape of my life, but today, I'm in the best place of my life.

Capacity is the ability or power to do, experience, or understand something. Scope, Readiness, Talent, and Strength are all words associated with capacity.

Have you ever thought about - what is your capacity?

Here's a little back story from when I worked in corporate America.

I used to thrive on having a full calendar. Frankly, I remember when I used to use a day planner, and it went everywhere with me. I remember once when I left it at home and got to the office, and I was lost because I lived via my calendar. 

I remember when I had to check my calendar before I could make any commitments. It was almost as if I was in a relationship with my schedule. Let me check my calendar first, and I'll let you know. My capacity was overflowing with outside noise, and that noise was nicknamed “busy.”

Was I so busy that I couldn't remember what was coming next? Yes, I was, and I know many who still live that way. I know some people today who wear being busy as a badge of honor when they list the massive menu of appointments, travel commitments, and being away from their families. It’s hard for me to fault these folks because once upon a time, I was them as well until I began to shift towards clarity.

I can remember multiple times in my life when my capacity was different. Age, experiences, and different circumstances caused me to want to be busy. In the 90s, I was in a loveless marriage and didn't want to go home and face what I needed to face. 

I remember when my days were so full of making decisions for everyone around me that the only way I could get out of my head was to end my day with a glass of wine or three.

Here I am, in my 50s, in a passionate marriage with unbelievable boys, living in a beautiful state, and living the dream because I'm able to use my time and talents to share my wisdom and continue to learn from my clients.

Don’t get me wrong; my days are not filled with rainbows and unicorns. Some moments are overwhelming, especially because I'm in a sandwich situation with young children and aging parents, but that’s the life I have chosen.

I tell myself to breathe and slow down daily. Don't you hate it when someone tells you to breathe? Try telling yourself...

Check-in with your capacity meter. Is it high, low, or somewhere in the middle?

Well, it's ever-changing.

It's not stable.

It's different for everyone.

Capacity is the state of being at any given moment.

I used to have to be plugged in by watching the news, following friends on social media, connecting with phone calls or Facetime, and saying yes to everything until I stopped to recalibrate my choices.

I've noticed that some people push their limits, not knowing their limits until they are in burnout or depleted mode. I know this because I was one of them once upon a time.

I am amazed by the capacity of some people—healthcare workers, police, firefighters, first responders, military personnel, teachers, tradesmen, etc. While some folks can't seem to get out of bed, they are frozen within their iceberg of anxiety—yet they are the only ones who have the magic or capacity to melt it away.

Some people thrive on complaining and judgment. Everything is still everyone else's fault. And why is so and so doing this and saying that? Yet it’s my experience that these are the ones who struggle with honesty, forgiveness, and adventure of the unknown. They still haven't reached up enough to access their box of strength to connect to a new capacity level. 

Some of us can see the glimmers of hope each day and understand that goodness will prevail. Summer is upon us, and I walk to hear the birds and acknowledge the newness around me. I am hopeful for global changes. 

Changes in how we communicate with one another.

How we listen and lead.

How we gather and thrive.

We all have an endless bag of capacity, similar to Mary Poppins and her wonderful magical carpetbag. We have infinite knowledge and wisdom ready to be tapped into and discovered. We have an endless bucket of love that we're holding onto so tightly because we're afraid it won't be reciprocated.

I'm going to end with a poem I wrote ...

Some days, I can focus and achieve

Some days, I can hardly believe

Some days, it's one step at a time

Some days, my eyes are blind

Some days, your smile shines so brightly

Some days, my eyes are shut tightly

Some days are some days, and others, I see the clarity to shift.

Just for today, ask yourself: What is my capacity? There is no right or wrong answer because capacity is a state of being that can change at any moment.

Until we meet again, I hope you can shift today into a greater tomorrow.